you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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