My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
