Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
