I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
