Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
