Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
