I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
