my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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