I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
