gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
