But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
