You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
