anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
