I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
