I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
