just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
