My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
