god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
