I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
