Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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