My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
