It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
