Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
