I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
