I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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