We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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