u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
