just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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