i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
