did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
