what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
