That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
