Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
