i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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