Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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