i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
