mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
