She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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