my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
