You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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