Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
