I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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