Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
