You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
