Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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