just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
