suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
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