i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
