It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
