I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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