Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
