I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
time to smoke my breakfast
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
